ETU Professor Charged With Assault, Destruction of Property

Fall Semester
By: Roy Ryder

An ETU professor angry about a mistake on his paycheck attacked several people at ETU’s payroll office on Monday afternoon. Campus police responded to a 911 call from and found Dr. Timothy Dolby in the process of destroying the office. He refused to comply with officer’s instructions and police used use force to subdue him, including several uses of a police taser and pepper spray.

Gladys Rimley was working in the office when Dolby arrived. “He was extremely agitated about what he thought was a mistake of a penny on his paycheck. When I showed him that it wasn’t an error, just a matter of rounding up in his favor, he went berserk. He screamed, used the most vile profanity, and started throwing things and jumping on the desks. I’ve never seen anyone behave like that. It was terrifying.”

Dolby is a professor of biology at ETU and has a reputation for being well-liked by students and faculty. However, in recent days, associates and staff noted that his behavior had become increasingly bizarre. He canceled office visits with students and failed to show up to teach classes. Long-time friend and colleague Grant Slade reports that he tried to talk to him on Friday but Dolby verbally attacked him.

“When I sought him out to see if I could help, he accused me of trying to steal his research about a recently discovered flower that he was researching. It was an insane paranoid ramble about how everyone wanted to take his work and destroy him.”

Dolby has been charged with assault and destruction of property and is being held in the Golon County Hospital, pending examination.

Posted in Local News, Sophomore | No Comments »

Dessicated Remains Deemed Well-Done Hoax

Fall Semester
By: Thomas Alvarez

Abrimov Science students were stunned Friday afternoon when the skeletal remains of what appeared to be a student were found piled on the north elevator’s floor. The elevator was cleared to resume standard service Friday morning and four hours of regular use, engineering major Susan Fong opened the elevator to find the corpse.

According to Fong, “I can’t say I was frightened to see the body. At first, it just looked like some fake halloween skeleton that was left behind. I even got into the car to get a better look, that was when I realized it wasn’t fake.” Fong’s reactionary shriek attracted the attention of nearby students who held the elevator’s doors open while she exited the car and called campus security. Security taped the elevator off for a second time while Pinebox PD was called to collect the remains.

Sheriff Butch Anderson issued a statement later that day stating that while the remains were indeed organic, the identifying information left along with the body—a driver’s license and backpack filled with books—belonged to Sean O’Malley, an ETU freshman. O’Malley is still very much alive though, and has been contacted by Pinebox PD to discuss the matter. Anderson went on to say that while they have yet to properly identify the body, it was clearly a hoax to make it look like O’Malley had met a horrible end in that elevator.

O’Malley could not be reached for comment.

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Posted in Local News, Senior | 1 Comment »

Natives Speak Out

Fall Semester
By: Steve May

photo by: Jake Miller

photo by: Jake Miller

The Caddoan Hainais were driven out of Golan County by the Texas Rangers in the early 1840s, and eventually were forced onto reservations in Oklahoma. Now, some are coming home again.

Chief Lyle Redman stated, “This is still our land. Dale Island is our land, and we want it given to us, so we can worship at the home of our ancestors. It is our First Amendment right, and we have hired lawyers to look into this matter.”

Dale Island is a small piece of land out in the old part of Lake Greystone, and its history is closely tied to Golan County. It is currently privately owned and the owners were not available for comment.

“I understand their pain,” Mayor Flowers responded to Chief Redman’s words. “I even agree that they should be given a place for them, but we can’t just go take private property and give it to others. That would be socialism. We don’t do that here. I hope we can work together to come to an equitable agreement.”

Over twenty Hainais have come to Golan County and are currently camping on the shores of Lake Greystone, and have been protesting everyday the past week, carrying signs and speaking to anyone who will listen.

Local Mart Johnson, a fisherman who lives in the Blackburn Community stated that, “They are scaring the fish. That all happened a long time ago. They need to move on.”

“It’s not about moving on, but recognizing the way the Nation of Texas treated our ancestors, and getting back the smallest portion that we are due,” stated Gregory Linden, a Hainais representative. “We are here to stay, until we get some sense of recognition by the Governor and the people of Texas.”

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Posted in Politics, Sophomore | No Comments »

Hawk-Mobile Closed By Health Department

Fall Semester
By: Colleen Parker

“The Hawk-Mobile” has become a campus fixture, but last Friday the owner of everyone’s favorite little beverage cart was told he could no longer operate on campus–or anywhere. According to Health Department officials, Talbot Hawkins has been selling his frozen fruit juice concoctions on campus for nearly a decade without a license. “Hawk’s” cart could often be found in the busy Quad area between classes, and there was almost always a line for his cool drinks. Hawk gave his drinks wacky names like “Soul Juice”, “Mind Jolt”, and “Dinosaur Extract”, to name just a few. Nobody knows what makes Hawk’s drinks so delicious, which is eventually what led to his current problems.

Biochemistry grad student Jason Mayor started analyzing the ingredients of Hawk’s drinks so that he could make them for himself at home. However, many of the drinks have ingredients he or his professors were unable to identify. “I got concerned. I mean, I love those drinks as much as anybody, but just what are they made of? We never see Hawk make them. He just pulls them out of his little freezer pre-made.”

Mayor says he debated whether to bring the matter to the city Health Department, but in the end decided to err on the side of caution. That’s when Hawk’s real trouble began. The Health Department discovered that they had no permit on file for Hawkins’ beverage cart. Friday afternoon Pinebox and ETU campus police served notice that the Hawk Mobile must remain closed until the proper permits are filed.

Hawkins was unavailable for comment before the filing of this story.

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Posted in Campus News, Sophomore | No Comments »

Local Boy Dies in Biking Accident

Fall Semester
By: Steve May

Jimmy Berry, a twelve year old boy died Saturday as he rode his bike down Linda Lane.  While police are investigating the accident, Detective Parker of the Pinbox Police Department stated that “it is apparent that he hit something while traveling at a fast pace, and was thrown over his handlebars and unfortunately landed on his head on the concrete pavement, causing massive head trauma.”

The boy and his friends had been riding their bikes down the hill of Linda Lane and were turning onto a cul-de-sac when the accident occurred.

Berry was a seventh grade student at Pinebox Middle School  and a member of Troop 1224 of the Scouts.  His parents have requested that anyone wishing to make a donation contact the Raven’s State Bank and give to the Berry Memorial Fund which is to help Pinebox Middle School purchase school supplies and to help teachers in the classroom.  “While Jimmy did not love school, he was a good student, and we want to do something to help others remember him,” his father said.

Jimmy was pronounced dead at the scene.  The funeral is set for 2 p.m. Wedneday at the Shepherd’s Cemetery.

This article is taken from the Buried Tales of Pinebox anthology and is taken from the story, The Witch of Linda Lane, by Ed Wetterman. Ed is a history teacher, game designer, writer, native Texan, genealogist, fisherman, Assistant Scout Master, Christian, husband, and father fo two.  His reading tastes lean toward fantasy, horror, science fiction, history, and role playing games.  He enjoys driving a big truck, shooting guns, camping, writing, and hanging out with his geeky friends.  He helped found 12 to Midnight in 2003 and wrote Last Rites of the Black Guard, Green’s Guide to Ghosts, Innana’s Kiss, and Fear Effects.  He has also contributed to Bloodlines, and the upcoming Realms of Cthulhu by Reality Blurs, and has written several short stories and articles.  He and Preston Dubose are currently working on ETU: Degrees of Horror, a plot point role playing game for the Savage Worlds system.

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Posted in Local News, Senior | No Comments »

Cooper Named Geology Department Head

Fall Semester
By: Colleen Parker

Among other weekly announcements from the President’s Office yesterday, Dr. Hewlitt Cooper was named as the new department head of the Geology Department. Dr. Cooper has been Acting Department Head since late last Fall when Dr. Layne Johnson took a sabbatical.

“Dr. Cooper has led the Geology department ably over the last year and a half. By making his position permanent, we can bring stability to a department that has faced uncertainty for some time.”

Dr. Johnson asked for, and received, permission to take a one year research sabbatical to Mongolia to research findings that he had discovered on satellite. Dr. Johnson’s return is more than six months overdue, and nobody at ETU has heard from him since early last year.

“I have great respect for Dr. Johnson, and he will most certainly have a place here in the Geology Department when or if he decides to return to ETU,” said Dr. Cooper.

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Posted in Campus News, Freshmen | No Comments »

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