Heat Advisory

With temperatures projected to hover at 99 degrees Fahrenheit for at least the next ten days, students are reminded to exercise caution when spending time outdoors. The heat-related death of Justine Calloway is a sad reminder of summer danger. Calloway’s desiccated corpse was found in the driver’s seat of her 2001 Honda Accord on Sunday morning in the Roost parking lot. Friends and loved ones are still puzzling over how the sophomore’s body came to be dried out overnight, but the cause of death is clear.

When spending time outdoors:

  • Drink water every hour you are in the sun. Avoid carbonated beverages, alcohol, and even sports drinks.
  • Wear light colored, loose fitting clothing.
  • Wear sunscreen.
  • If you feel lightheaded, nauseous, or stop sweating, stop your activity immediately and seek a cool place to rest and rehydrate.

Mysterious Remains Identified as Susan Fong

North Elevator

Months ago, Engineering student Susan Fong found the aged and dessicated remains of a human in the clothes of a modern day student. During the investigation Pinebox PD discovered that the clothing and backpack found with the body belonged to a student named Sean O’Malley. After a subsequent incident, O’Malley dropped out of school and became the night clerk at Speedy Pete’s Discount Gas and Convenience Store. Two nights ago, O’Malley contacted me via the Raven’s Report website saying that he had discovered something that either Pinebox PD had overlooked, or purposefully concealed regarding Fong’s disappearance.

I met O’Malley behind Speedy Pete’s last night to discuss what he believed he had uncovered. The student who I had often seen on campus appeared to have aged significantly. He had sores on his forearms where he’d scratched at invisible fleas until he bled. His cheeks were sunken and he’d lost a fair amount of his hair. He met my eyes, but didn’t hold them for long. O’Malley told me the following as he worked his way through six of seven cigarettes.

“Back in March when campus police took me into custody for running out of the Applied Sciences building naked, everyone figured it was just some prank. The only thing on my mind was getting the hell out of that elevator. It’s something different; Susie was the first to realize that something wasn’t right but she didn’t tell anyone.

“Listen, do you know anything about entanglement?” Sean took a quarter out of his pocket and flashed both sides of it to me then continued, “This quarter’s a solitary object, but let’s say I cut it in half along the circumference so that I have two half coins: one with the heads side, one with the tails. Now, no matter how far apart the two halves are, one will always be heads, and the other will always be tails. The interesting thing, according to entanglement, is that if somehow I can flip this tails side to a heads, it’s other half will instantaneously flip to the opposite side regardless of the distance between them.

“The hypothesis is, because the change is instantaneous you can transmit binary data over any distance without using an electromagnetic wave to carry the information. Imagine then that instead of the coin you used something more like a six-sided die. If you look straight onto the corner of the die, you’ll see three of the six faces, and be able to deduce the remaining sides as well as their position. Essentially, you’re sending more information with the die than you would with the coin. Now imagine larger matrices of data being sent instantaneously from one point to another. That’s exactly what you have in the North elevator chamber in the ETU Applied Sciences building. Below the elevator shaft is one half of an object, and resting on top of the elevator car is the second half.

“The power outage was the initial kick to break the object into two separate entangled pieces. After that the elevator handled varying the distance between the two. What the guys running the show didn’t get was what would happen in between the two entangled objects. The space between them lost integrity; time between them lost integrity. In the beginning all anyone noticed were their watches going screwy, but then Susie found that body…” Sean lit another cigarette and smoked through half of it before continuing. “A few weeks later, I stepped into the North elevator at about 7:30 in the morning. In the afternoon of that day I exited the South elevator ass naked, but honestly I don’t remember anything between when I ran out and when I woke up in a hospital bed surrounded by cops and my parents. Something happened…something in between.

“I do a lot to try and forget, but here’s what I can’t get rid of: a few seconds after the elevator doors closed the lights went out, the sound went out, the whole damn world went out. There was nothing but nothing, until somehow I sensed that there was somehow something even less substantial than the void around me. I don’t know what it was, I just felt a consciousness looking through me. Then it started doing something with my mind, like it was taking my memories and thoughts and sorting them. Then it started to put images of Susie in my head, intermingling her thoughts with mine. It didn’t stop with thoughts though, my bones snapped and healed as I lived through accidents Susie had endured. I heard her screaming as she went through my past pains. It forced us to experience everything the other had ever known. Whatever that thing was, it was separating our beings into components and shuffling them together like a metaphysical deck of cards; it was entangling us.”

He smashed out the rest of his final cigarette on the brick wall he was leaning against. “It brought us together, and then tore us apart. Each of us taking half of our existence with us, but knowing full well what pieces were missing and residing in the other half. The less-than-void ejected me from the South elevator, and kept Susie’s body in the North one, moving it months back in time and depositing her where her past self would discover it.”

“I know how this sounds: meth addict dropout must have finally lost his mind, made up some crazy story to excuse what he’s become. Let me tell you something else. I’ve tried to kill myself four times since I got out of that elevator, but I can’t die because Susie’s already dead. I can’t sleep, because she’s already sleeping. I can’t eat because…she’s the one who’s hungry. If you don’t believe me, go check out what’s on top of that elevator car. And if you want to stop this from happening again, you’ll destroy it.” O’Malley then got into his car and drove off.

Earlier this morning I went to the Applied Sciences building and found my way into the North elevator’s shaft via safety access panel. The car had been recalled to the basement level and was still out of service. I couldn’t find anything unusual on top of the car.

After leaving the building I made a phone call to Pinebox PD asking to speak with the medical examiner who performed the autopsy on the the body found by Susan Fong. When asked about the body, the ME said that the investigation was still ongoing and that he couldn’t answer my questions. The chair of the Applied Sciences department could not be reached for comment.

Contamination Closes Wells

Four wells several miles north of Pinebox have been closed due to contamination by deadly E. coli bacteria and the few residents in the area have been advised to boil their water until further notice. The contamination came to the attention of the Pinebox City water utility during their weekly sampling and the wells were shuttered immediately. No cases of sickness attributable to the bacteria have been reported in Golan County.

It is unknown how the wells became contaminated, although recent rains may have allowed contaminated material into the water. Gus Richardson, general manager of Pinebox city’s water utility, declined to say when the wells would no longer be dangerous. However, he did state that the city would attempt to disinfect the wells.

Eschericia coli is a natural bacteria that causes food poisoning and flu-like symptoms in those who drink contaminated water. The severity of the illness varies, but can be fatal to young children, the elderly, and those people with compromised immune systems.

Suspected Identity Thief Released During Arraignment

Jerome Johnson

The individual arrested for his alleged involvement in an identity theft scandal that affected several ETU students and faculty was released today during his arraignment. In a closed courtroom, Jerome Johnson gave a brief statement before the judge and other courtroom officials. Shortly thereafter, Johnson was seen walking out of the courtroom without escort and permitted to leave the building.

After the hearing, public defender Louis Rainer spoke to the press outside the courthouse, “We simply had the wrong individual. Jerome Johnson was as much a victim of the recent identity theft scheme as many other Pinebox citizens were.” As it turns out, Jerome Johnson had had his identity infiltrated allowing  the real criminal to plant a substantial amount of evidence leading Pinebox authorities to believe Johnson was responsible for the entire illegal operation. Rainer also noted that Johnson requested that he himself speak to the court in order to prove his innocence.

“Johnson’s presentation of his case was remarkable,” noted Rainer. “For a cryptography expert, Johnson was personable and easy to empathize with. In 14 minutes Judge Lindsay had ruled in Johnson’s favor and released him with the apologies of the court.”

While a transcript of the case was requested, court reporter David Bridges notified the Report that his electronic record was corrupted shortly after Judge Lindsay had made his ruling due to a power surge that ran through the building. Security recordings within the courthouse were also affected by the power surge causing their storage drives to be irreversibly damaged. The attached image is one of the few frames recovered from the damaged drives.

Johnson is believed to have returned to ETU to resume his graduate work. Pinebox authorities have resumed their investigations into the true identities of the thieves.

Annual Easter Egg Hunt Cancelled

Photo by: Thomas Alvarez

ETU’s annual Easter egg hunt run by Delta Chi Rho was canceled this when the body of the previous year’s winner, Maria Esperando, was found dead on the Athletic Complex’ west field.

Esperando had been reported missing two weeks prior to the event by her housemate Charlene Deveaux. “Maria just didn’t come home from the library that night. ‘It was a nice night,’ she’d said. Didn’t even take her car; just walked onto campus,” said Charlene when I spoke with her earlier this morning.

When asked if Maria had exhibited any odd behavior in the days leading up to her disappearance Charlene brought me to Maria’s bedroom where Maria had scratched the image of a black egg surrounded by the number 13 in black and red ink. “She’d been saying she’d been having trouble sleeping for the last few nights. After she didn’t come home I came into her room to look for her mom’s phone number and saw this. I called the police.”

Pinebox authorities are currently investigating Maria’s death and have yet to determine its cause. If anyone has any information regarding Maria Esperando’s death, please contact campus PD or the Pinebox police department as soon as possible.

Streaking Prank Leaves No One Laughing

Students were shocked today when a naked freshman burst from the  O’Brian Applied Sciences south elevator yesterday. Sean O’Malley exited the elevator on the second floor and ran clear across the hallway to the men’s bathroom, shrieking and screaming as he did so.

“I don’t see what the big deal is. Everyone’s stressed out, the kid just wanted to give everyone a laugh. To tell the truth, he didn’t look all too happy doing it either. Maybe Sigma Gamma’s hazing again.” noted junior civil engineering major Jesse Roberts.

Campus authorities detained O’Malley for the better part of the afternoon before he was released to his parents’ care. While details of O’Malley’s case could not be discussed for privacy reasons, the campus police saw fit to bring in the help of the Department of Student Health and Welfare to help manage the situation. Pinebox PD released a statement noting that O’Malley will not be charged.