Engineering Major Missing

Fall Semester
By: Thomas Alvarez

ETU Mechanical Engineering major Susan Fong was reported missing on May 29th had Pinebox PD has yet to uncover any evidence as to her whereabouts. According to friends, Fong was seen as late as the morning of the 29th in and around the Applied Sciences building.

“Since she found the body a couple of weeks ago, Susie’s been hesitant to get onto any of the elevators in the building. And who could blame her?” noted Daniel Vasquez, friend of Fong’s and fellow engineering major. “But the last time I saw her, she was stepping into the North. I’d thought it was still taped off, but I guess I was wrong.”

Sheriff Butch Anderson commented on the situation: “Hard to go a month without an ETU kid going missing; especially this time of year with finals. No need to panic, she’s probably on a road trip with some girlfriends. We’ll find her one way or another.”

Students are requested to share any information as to the whereabouts of Susan Fong with ETU campus authorities or the Pinebox Police department.

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Fires Baffle Ninevah Investigators

Fall Semester
By: Steve May

ninevah

photo by: The Ninevah Weekly

The town of Ninevah has experienced several unexplained fires in the past month and  Fire Chief Levins is stumped.  “We just don’t know what’s causing these fires.  They do not appear to be maliciously set, and there is no source that we have been able to identify.”

The fires have “spontaneously” broken out throughout the town in no regular pattern.  The first occurred at Jan’s Deli during lunch service.  “It was in the corner beneath the television set.  One second everything was fine, then boom, flame was everywhere,” Jan Corey, the owner of the Deli stated.  “We thought it was probably an electrical fire, but the investigation could not explain it.”  Ms. Corey also said that the insurance agency was not helping her rebuild as they are wanting a cause of the fire to be determined.

“It’s a real catch 22.  They won’t give me any of the insurance money until the cause of the fire is determined, and the Ninevah Fire Department can’t determine the cause,” she said.

Other fires of similar nature have occurred at Marshall’s Warehouse, Toys 4 Kids, Newberry’s Restaurant, and Big Green.  “Of course there may be an arsonist behind all of these fires, but if we can’t find a cause, it makes the investigation very difficult,” said Chief Levins.

“We keep hoping these fires will end, but it seems another is happening daily.  We’ve been lucky that no one has been seriously hurt so far, but at this rate, it may only be a matter of time.”

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Vandals Stealing Local Scarecrows

Fall Semester
By: Roy Ryder

The crows of Golan County are happy. More than a dozen local farmers have reported the theft of their scarecrows to the Sheriff’s office. The missing mannequins have been from all across the county, from a corn field in Cavalas to a decorative scarecrow taken from a front yard in the Indian Summer trailer park.

Deputy Henry Putter, the officer assigned to the case, believes that local vandals are responsible. “This kind of thing happens now and then,” Putter said of the thefts. “Some kids think it would be cool to rip off the scarecrows or the chicken statue in front of Texas Fried Chicken or something like that. We’ll probably find them all in somebody’s backyard.” Putter advises local farmers with scarecrows to put them away or chain them to a heavy object until the thefts are resolved.

Not everyone is so sure that youthful vandals are responsible for the thefts. One victim, who wished to remain anonymous, stated that he found no footprints around the missing scarecrow other than those of the shoes worn by the scarecrow itself.

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Night Lights Discovered to Be Geese

Fall Semester
By: Roy Ryder

Several observant citizens of Golon County witnessed a strange V-shaped formation of blinking lights in the sky last night and reported it to the County Sheriff’s office. However, on investigation, it was determined that the lights were actually the lights of Pinebox reflecting off the underside of flying geese. The “flying saucers” were later found to be nesting at Lake Greystone.

This is not the first time a flock of geese has been mistaken for a UFO in Golon County. During the 1950s, and later in the 1970s, flocks of geese created panic among local residents. Many called local AM radio station KSPK with wild tales of alien landings and abductions.

The Sheriff’s office has advised all residents who see more of the Unidentified Flying Objects to pay listen and hear the bird’s honking before calling in any reports.

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Crime on the Rise

Fall Semester
By: Steve May

This past week have seen an unusual spike in the theft and burglary crime rate throughout Golan County.  Mayor Flowers explained, “There have been over fifty cases of theft, burglary, or attempted crimes in the past nine or so days.  This is highly unusual and our police department and sheriff’s department are  putting in extra time and energy to find out why this is occurring.”

When asked if the crimes are linked to gang activity, Mayor Flowers answered, “I don’t think so.  In fact those who have been caught are generally college kids, and we are wondering if this is not some sort of prank.”

Several of the twenty offenders who have been arrested have stated that they do not understand why they did what they did, but that they were to bring the “loot” to someplace in the country and drop it off.  However there were several locations mentioned and the police are still investigating the situation.

Police Detective Derek Mason stated that, “I believe there is some connection between the perpetrators, and that they may not actually be responsible for their crimes.”  Detective Mason would not go into further detail about the investigation at this time.

The Police Department is asking anyone with knowledge of any crimes committed in the past week to contact local Crimestoppers at 936-555-TIPS.

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Renowned Artist to Show Works at ETU

Fall Semester
By: Roy Ryder

The  Martha Patterson Annex will host a showing of the work of Ethan Schrader from July 6th through the 10th in the Keppler Memorial Gallery. Schrader is one of ETU’s most famous alumni, graduating with an MFA in 1979. His conceptual art has appeared in galleries around the world, including the New York Museum of Fine Art and Amsterdam’s Rijksmuseum, and he has been acclaimed as one of the top 20 artists in America. His paintings and sculpture focus on macabre themes and have been called “daring and chilling” by Art Now magazine.

“It’s a thrill to come back to ETU and be recognized after thirty years,” Schrader said in an interview. “I fell like I’m returning to where it all began. Pinebox was the inspiration for so much of my work. ETU is a special place where creativity and passion can be let loose and nurtured without fear.”

Not all members of the community are pleased with the showing of Schrader’s work. Owen North of the Pinebox Community Protection League has announced plans to protest the gallery on opening night. “I was at ETU in 1979 and saw his foul creations then and I’m glad to be here to denounce his ungodly works now. The man is a menace to the town and a lousy painter,” said Owen when asked about the protest.

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