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Heat Advisory

With temperatures projected to hover at 99 degrees Fahrenheit for at least the next ten days, students are reminded to exercise caution when spending time outdoors. The heat-related death of Justine Calloway is a sad reminder of summer danger. Calloway’s desiccated corpse was found in the driver’s seat of her 2001 Honda Accord on Sunday morning in […]

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Mysterious Remains Identified as Susan Fong

Months ago, Engineering student Susan Fong found the aged and dessicated remains of a human in the clothes of a modern day student. During the investigation Pinebox PD discovered that the clothing and backpack found with the body belonged to a student named Sean O’Malley. After a subsequent incident, O’Malley dropped out of school and […]

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Contamination Closes Wells

Four wells several miles north of Pinebox have been closed due to contamination by deadly E. coli bacteria and the few residents in the area have been advised to boil their water until further notice. The contamination came to the attention of the Pinebox City water utility during their weekly sampling and the wells were […]

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Suspected Identity Thief Released During Arraignment

The individual arrested for his alleged involvement in an identity theft scandal that affected several ETU students and faculty was released today during his arraignment. In a closed courtroom, Jerome Johnson gave a brief statement before the judge and other courtroom officials. Shortly thereafter, Johnson was seen walking out of the courtroom without escort and […]

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Annual Easter Egg Hunt Cancelled

ETU’s annual Easter egg hunt run by Delta Chi Rho was canceled this when the body of the previous year’s winner, Maria Esperando, was found dead on the Athletic Complex’ west field. Esperando had been reported missing two weeks prior to the event by her housemate Charlene Deveaux. “Maria just didn’t come home from the […]

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Streaking Prank Leaves No One Laughing

Students were shocked today when a naked freshman burst from the  O’Brian Applied Sciences south elevator yesterday. Sean O’Malley exited the elevator on the second floor and ran clear across the hallway to the men’s bathroom, shrieking and screaming as he did so. “I don’t see what the big deal is. Everyone’s stressed out, the […]

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