Cooper Named Geology Department Head

Among other weekly announcements from the President’s Office yesterday, Dr. Hewlitt Cooper was named as the new department head of the Geology Department. Dr. Cooper has been Acting Department Head since late last Fall when Dr. Layne Johnson took a sabbatical.

“Dr. Cooper has led the Geology department ably over the last year and a half. By making his position permanent, we can bring stability to a department that has faced uncertainty for some time.”

Dr. Johnson asked for, and received, permission to take a one year research sabbatical to Mongolia to research findings that he had discovered on satellite. Dr. Johnson’s return is more than six months overdue, and nobody at ETU has heard from him since early last year.

“I have great respect for Dr. Johnson, and he will most certainly have a place here in the Geology Department when or if he decides to return to ETU,” said Dr. Cooper.

Aircraft Wreckage Identified

A spokesman for the US Air Force has identified wreckage discovered over the weekend as belonging to the space shuttle Columbia.

ETU sophomores Kyle Morgan and DeQuina Johnson caused a small flurry of excitement over the weekend when they discovered large sections of wreckage while hiking in the Big Thicket. Although the students originally reported that the wreckage was still smoking when they discovered it, authorities later attributed the mistake to the excitement of their find.

“We’re very grateful Kyle and Dequina for reporting their discovery, and I can see how their imaginations might have gotten carried away. When the Columbia exploded over East Texas in 2003, it left debris scattered over hundreds of miles. Every piece could be an important clue,” said Air Force Spokesman Thomas Grey.

Morgan and Johnson remain steadfast in their claim that the wreckage was recent, and Morgan claims that one of the pieces had strange writing on it. Minutes after Pinebox Sheriff’s Deputies returned with the students, the Air Force arrived on the scene by helicopter. The military quickly cordoned off the debris area to turn away souvenir hunters and prevent bystanders from accidentally tampering with forensic evidence.

Buried Tales of Pinebox, Texas: An Editorial/Book Review

I recently attended a Gaming Convention with my son, when I was surprised to see a Horror Anthology placed in our hometown of Pinebox.  Of course I puchased it immediately, went to the hotel room and started reading.

I am shocked at how these writers have depicted our little town.  You would think every weird, bizarre, paranormal, dark magic, and xenocreatures can be found here.  They even included good Sheriff Butch Anderson, which I think must violate his rights in some way.  The first story is simply a copy of the old Jennifer Ridge Transcripts.  This story has been embellished the past few years, and there was no real investigation about what really happened, nor did they ask any of our government folks, police department, or Sheriff’s department for comments.  If they had then I could at least appreciate the book, but I don’t like such one-sided fluff that truly impunes our towns good nature.

Here is an anthology that was written by folks in New York, Ireland, Yankees, and Left-Coasters.  Some are Role-Playing game designers and writers, not exactly an investigative team.  The first story by Filamena Young is titled  The Hanging Tree.  She continues the falsehoods about our city government and people.  We are proud to have Louis Rainer as our local Defense Attorney, and Judge Howard Lindsey is one of the sweetest, fairest men to ever hold a judicial seat.  She takes these good men and adds pure fiction about some demonic tree and impunes our town’s honor in how we deal with crime.  Ms. Young, please check out our local crime rates, which are very low compared to other cities our size.

The next story was titled The One That Got Away by Preston P. Dubois of a rinky dink independent horror outfit known as 12 to Midnight.  He’s even a native Texan, though from central Texas, and he has the audacity to write about our East Texas Town.  At least the main characters in his story are fictional and the unbelievable tale of some ancient evil in Lake Greystone is absolutely absurd.  Of course he is a Freemason, so he’s not one of us.

Then came the sickest of the anthology, innocently entitled Pie.  It is set in Mom’s Diner, one of the nicest restaurants in our town.  The writer, Monica Valentinelli, places a Skinwalker in the diner, and manages to win the disgusting award for the book, which is high praise, I suppose.  Yes, we do have a Skinwalker legend, but come on folks, it is no different than the legend of Bigfoot, and sightings of UFOs.  These things happen all over the nation, not just in East Texas or in Pinebox.

Then there is The Evil Within by Derek Gunn.  Perhaps one of the best written of the stories, this one impunes our own Dr. Louise Frazier of the Biology Department of East Texas University.  Honestly, Dr. Frazier and Sheriff Anderson should seek legal representation and sue the 12 to Midnight outfit for libel.  If the stories were not so absolutely unbelieveable they would probably have a better case.  However the people over at 12 to Midnight offer no apologies and certainly no one asked anyone in our town permission to be used in this book.

Stigmatized Property by Jess Hartley takes a sad true story about Mr. and Mrs. Whitcomb and their untimely deaths and turns it into some abhorrant ghost story. She even characterizes our own Mr. Strega as some sort of psychic.  I attempted to contact Mr. Strega, but he said he had “no comment.”  Perhaps he doesn’t understand how he was presented in this story.

Then there is the biggest hack writer of all, Ed Wetterman, and his story The Witch of Linda Lane.  I did some investigating Mr. Wetterman, and your Mother in Law lived on Linda Lane in Stafford, Texas.  Did you mean anything by this?  Mr. Wetterman, there are no such things as Witches, and if you are going to write this drivel please place it in some other town.  I recommend a fictional setting, and your characters should not resemble real people.

Blood Born was an interesting read by Charles Rice.  However, Mr. Rice, there are no such things as Werewolves, nor is there any Sweet Heart program.  I think maybe you are a little too into your games.  Fantasy and reality really don’t mix.

Then there is Guitar Zero by Shane Hensley.  At least his is based on a small truth.  Yes, we have a Guitar Hero tournament, just like everywhere else in the country.    Calvin Griffis is a fantastic, smart individual who made it big and yes, he enjoys these types of games.  You make it sound as if he risked his soul.  That is simply ridiculous.  Mr. Hensley is a famous game designer responsible for such things as Deadlands, Savage Worlds, and many others.  Stick to writing games and stories Mr. Hensley.  An investigative reporter you are not!

Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, there is the story entitled Mother, by Trey Gorden.  He is an East Texas boy, his father is Mayor of a local town, and he is currently enrolled at a local college.  How could he add to this insult?  Mr. Gorden, you should be ashamed of your treatment of our fair city.  Sheriff Anderson told me if he ever catches you here, you better not speed, and you better act right.

Then there is the horror fantasy of Jason  L. Blair known as Lovable Creatures.  It’s a great story, but it is not real.  Remember my advice about fantasy and reality?  Mr. Blair is a fantastic writer, but this story simply is not a true vision of our little town.

The next one really hurts.  David Wellington is one of the best writers in the business.  His story, Off Radio,  is also based on a local legend, and a terrible event in our recent history.  I will still read his novels, as he is one of the best, but I may never forgive him for reopening wounds that haven’t yet had time to heal.

The last tale of the anthology is also by one of the greatest game designers in modern times, J.D. Wiker.  His tale is entitled Last Exit to Pinebox and he also took a local urban legend and made a tale about it.  Good story, but what do these kinds of stories about our town of Pinebox do for our reputation?  We are a small town, full of good people, trying to make our way in the world like everyone else.

Finally, the folks at 12 to Midnight also included real newspaper articles in the back of the book, as if to give credence to their claims of horror here.  If they were really that interested in the truth, they would come here and check us out for themselves.

So, if you are interested, you can find this book, Buried Tales of Pinebox, Texas on Amazon, on Kindle, and other online stores, but remember these folks have attacked our honor, our lives, and made our community look as if we are overrun with the paranormal, and horrorific creatures of the night.  Please, this is fiction, not reality!

I think the folks at 12 to Midnight owe the entire town of Pinebox an apology.  How about it?

This is Steve May, and that’s the way I read it.

Juniors to Teach Middle School

photo by: Jake Miller

photo by: Jake Miller

East Texas University is beginning a new Teaching program in conjunction with Pinebox Middle School.  “This is a great pilot program that enables our teaching majors to get classroom experience and log hours for their graduation requirements, and assists our local school district that is consistently short of qualified substitute teachers,” said Associate Dean Linda  Taylor of the ETU Education department.

“I think its a great opportunity for us,” said Sophomore education major, Lita Davis.  “I love the idea of molding young minds and helping them to realize what is truly important in life.”

Pinebox Middle School suffered greatly earlier this year when three students and a teacher went missing following an afternoon tutorial session.  None of which have since been found and the investigation is still ongoing.  Since then, the school has had a very difficult time finding qualified substitutes willing to work in the district.

“The truth is, people are scared.  But , honestly, we have beefed up security, added cameras, and we believe we have a safe, educational environment here in Pinebox,”  said Superintendent of Schools, Mat Lowery.

The new program is ready to be implemented in August of 2009 and involves student educators co-teaching with experienced teachers for a month, then becoming long-term substitutes for the remainder of the school year.  The students are paid as substitutes and receive four hours of course work for their efforts.

Reminder: Drought Makes Animals Desperate

photo by: Sara Marshall

photo by: Sara Marshall

Campus police are reminding students this week to avoid wild animals that may wander onto campus. This on the heels of a freak alligator attack outside the Lady Athlete’s Dorm. Simone Hawthorn was sent on a Life-flight helicopter ride to Houston’s Medical Center after a she was found unconscious, bleeding profusely, and missing her left leg from below the knee. The quick thinking of a Residence Adviser slowed the bleeding enough to save Hawthorn’s life.

“Safety is really a big deal here,” said RA LaTrisha White. “Every month the Student Life office makes all RAs go through crisis training. It’s come in handy more than once.”

Campus police blame Hawthorn’s injury on an alligator driven onto campus in search of water.

“As you know, most of Texas is entering the Summer already in a state of severe drought. These alligators who used to be fat and happy in a little bayou or creek up in the Thicket are finding their habitats drying up. Unfortunately, sometimes they wander onto campus and a tragedy like this happens,” said Game Warden Jim Seavers.

So far, authorities have been unable to locate the alligator that attacked Hawthorn.

No “Crop Circle” on ETU Football Field

The ETU Athletic Department took the unusual step Monday of issuing a statement to rebut a recent widespread rumor. The rumor, which has spread across campus via Twitter and cell phones, purports that a large symbol similar to those in crop circles was seen growing in the grass of the ETU football stadium. Assistant Dean Andy Roach released the statement without a press conference and stated that the reason for the unusual action was to stop tresspassing by curious students.

“It has been rumored that a symbol can be seen growing in the grass of the ETU football field. This is not true. Any photos claiming to show an image are fakes. The field has been freshly mowed and no symbol, sign, or other image can be seen from overhead.”

Although the source of the rumor has not been identified, several ETU students have claimed to have seen the “crop circle.” One, who asked that his identity be withheld, claimed that the symbol was circular, with small circles set within a larger one.