Hawk-Mobile Closed By Health Department

“The Hawk-Mobile” has become a campus fixture, but last Friday the owner of everyone’s favorite little beverage cart was told he could no longer operate on campus–or anywhere. According to Health Department officials, Talbot Hawkins has been selling his frozen fruit juice concoctions on campus for nearly a decade without a license. “Hawk’s” cart could often be found in the busy Quad area between classes, and there was almost always a line for his cool drinks. Hawk gave his drinks wacky names like “Soul Juice”, “Mind Jolt”, and “Dinosaur Extract”, to name just a few. Nobody knows what makes Hawk’s drinks so delicious, which is eventually what led to his current problems.

Biochemistry grad student Jason Mayor started analyzing the ingredients of Hawk’s drinks so that he could make them for himself at home. However, many of the drinks have ingredients he or his professors were unable to identify. “I got concerned. I mean, I love those drinks as much as anybody, but just what are they made of? We never see Hawk make them. He just pulls them out of his little freezer pre-made.”

Mayor says he debated whether to bring the matter to the city Health Department, but in the end decided to err on the side of caution. That’s when Hawk’s real trouble began. The Health Department discovered that they had no permit on file for Hawkins’ beverage cart. Friday afternoon Pinebox and ETU campus police served notice that the Hawk Mobile must remain closed until the proper permits are filed.

Hawkins was unavailable for comment before the filing of this story.

Reminder: Drought Makes Animals Desperate

photo by: Sara Marshall

photo by: Sara Marshall

Campus police are reminding students this week to avoid wild animals that may wander onto campus. This on the heels of a freak alligator attack outside the Lady Athlete’s Dorm. Simone Hawthorn was sent on a Life-flight helicopter ride to Houston’s Medical Center after a she was found unconscious, bleeding profusely, and missing her left leg from below the knee. The quick thinking of a Residence Adviser slowed the bleeding enough to save Hawthorn’s life.

“Safety is really a big deal here,” said RA LaTrisha White. “Every month the Student Life office makes all RAs go through crisis training. It’s come in handy more than once.”

Campus police blame Hawthorn’s injury on an alligator driven onto campus in search of water.

“As you know, most of Texas is entering the Summer already in a state of severe drought. These alligators who used to be fat and happy in a little bayou or creek up in the Thicket are finding their habitats drying up. Unfortunately, sometimes they wander onto campus and a tragedy like this happens,” said Game Warden Jim Seavers.

So far, authorities have been unable to locate the alligator that attacked Hawthorn.